nostalgia

worried is not what i should feel

for you said this is real

knowing that you'll see her this day

yet i shouldn't feel this way

fear is not what i should go through

for you said this is true

to just imagine a small incident could happen

nothing i have should be taken

love is what i'm feeling again

for you have shown and given

to open up and believe once more

and i believe we can

you believe, i believe...we believe

we can...

thee ought to know

upon knowing you

how my life has changed

for you have opened my heart

from what i call revenge

happy is who i am

and love is who you are

there's nothing like you and i

a mirror image we can never deny

we must have been in god's plan

for these two crazy people

has more to write in words

that turn into chapters

together...

i love you.

when chapters re-opened

i used to ask myself..
if i was doing the right thing
if this is what i should do
if this is the best thing to do...
and when i answered those questions..
tears came and nothing left..

then, it lead me to ponder...
if only i had done the right thing...
if only i knew that was the right thing..
if only i hadn't done it..
and when i came to a conclusion..
anger came and sadness left...

finally,
when i thought the past had gone away..
it haunts back
there goes my little effort...
in pretending that i was okay..

and now...
usually when the past returns,
i'd be all confused and messed up...
but last night, i felt nothing...

the past is who i am today

a five-month summary

dear liar,
i never knew you were a bag full of words
words that were spoken were never intended, defined and done
words that gave me hopes and dreams
words that made me believe
words that in the end were meaningless and empty...

dear coward,
you seem to run away when problems knocks on your door
problems that made you confused, ignorant and selfish
problems that caused you to disappear and left me hanging
problems that made you a liar

dear asshole,
do you know how much of an asshole you are?
have you any idea what did you do and cause?
do you know that lying and being a coward only shapes you to be alone in the end?

now see, i have the answer that you need: REALITY

you'll never know what you have till it's gone

to change over mistakes

you know there are times we ought to be happy

i thought i was...
i thought i didn't have to go through any tortures and pain again
but here i am, feeling the same

lessons learnt from the past...
i never want to make the same mistakes again
but here i am, committing it again

i must and have learnt to say no
i don't want to lie to myself to make things fine
but here i am, giving in again

for once, i just want to be happy
be happy with love
but here i am...rambling my unheard thoughts

2010, my new best friend

dear 2009,

i never realized how fast you went by. it was only a year ago i thought i had everything i wanted..everything i needed..but no. i was in such denial that i lied to myself thinking i was contented.

laughter ended up in tears, smiles became frowns, happiness turned into sadness, trust and love were broken. i was caught in a beautiful mess and got through it on my own. i am weak-hearted. i am not strong. but i am proud i managed.

there's nothing in you that i wish to bring and share with this new friend of mine. you were too harsh and i don't think you should be around anymore. and so i'm telling you that i'm leaving you behind. please let me go. i need to move on.

i hope you don't mind this new friendship of mine. i'm hoping he'll show me a positive year ahead. you had your time. so i'm saying goodbye to you and thanks for everything. farewell.